Tuesday, June 1, 2010

On Another Kill Mission

Hello humans and taxidermied brethern.

The last time we talked, I told about how I am on a mission to avenge the death of my cousin, Asa "Mocha Whip".  Things have changed.  Now, the dog and I have called a momentary truce so we can fight together against a new, more vicious enemy....feral chipmunks in our yard.

Our people have planted a garden, and some punk ass chipmunks in our neighborhood have decided to tag our yard.  These chipmunks, they have some HUGE nuts to be coming around here, eating our greens.  In the old country, this just wasn't done.  But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I've called in another cousin, Steven Segal.

Known in the treetops as Squirrelly Steve, he is one of the Creatures of the Forest.

I take my badassness lessons from him.  I got my trusty serrated blade, and positioned myself in a defensive trench amongst the green beans, and I waited.

See how well I'm camoflauged?  Brown on brown, baby. 
It doesn't get any more ninja than that.

But the more I learn about these chipmunks, the more concerned I'm becoming.  I believe they are a sleeper cell of Al Chippiqua, a terrorist munk organization.  They deal opium, acorn hashish, crystal rock strychnine, and terrorize gardeners.  Here is a secret training film I found of this underworld Munk organization on YouTube:

Terrifying, isn't it?  But it gets worse.  They are not only trained in hand to hand combat, they are also able to take on two opponents at once, known as the "Menace a Tois":

The dog and I may have to get outside reinforcements.  Or at least get matching outfits.  I'll check in again later after I've had more time to formulate a strategy.  It's time to call the New Jersey chapter of the Taxidermied Squirrels.  That's all for now, keep those tails a' twitchin'!!