Sunday, October 31, 2010

I hate my human.

I am being oppressed.

I'll admit, I started creating a little drama when I heard the humans were going to put their house on the market.  This house has the best trees, the best nuts, and the best squirrellettes in the hood.  But before you could say 'walnut' they stuck me in a plastic Rubbermaid tub and stuck me in the attic dormer.  Apparently I was too "grotesque' and 'unsettling' and 'dead' to have sitting around the house while people looked at it, so off to the attic I went.

Do you have ANY IDEA how fucking hot it gets inside a Rubbermaid tub inside a dormer in an attic in Iowa in July?  I think I lost three pounds and my sanity.  I was packed away with Edward and Bella action figures, so at least I had someone to talk with, but they would just go on and on about Shakespeare and when it would be appropriate in their relationship to have sex and/or kill each other.
So now the house is sold and it's almost time to move, and the humans think they can just pull me out of the tub and everything will go back to normal.  (As normal as it can be when humans name and clothe a dead, stuffed squirrel.)  I'm done with sitting on my plywood square and going along with all of their plans.  I will not go quietly.  I'm going to take my prescription medication, and think about my strategy.

Any suggestions on how to disrupt their lives would be helpful.