It was my cousin, Asa "Mocha Whip" Rabin.
Mocha Whip was a good squirrel, but ever since the Rave over at the rabbit hutch, he hasn't been the same. He's been spending his days smoking grass and listening to the Owl City CD over and over and over. It's a little nutty, but harmless. And then he ends up in that slobbering bag of crap's mouth. It's insulting.
Dog, I've looked at you through my all-seeing glass eye, and I do have some advice for you:
Run. Sleep with one eye open. Be careful what you scratch. Because vengeance will be mine.
He may get rabies, or Asa's raging case of syphilis, and then my work will be done. But otherwise, I'm gunnin' for you, Dog. You've been warned.
If you have any suggestions for how I can torment the dog, please send them to:
firstname.lastname@example.org. I have a number of pressing issues to address, thanks so much for your questions so far. Have a great day, relax, and remember: